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"Cynic, n.: One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye."
   - Anonymous

"Windows: A 32 bit graphical shell to a16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system, originally developed for a 4 bit processor by a 2 bit company that do not stand 1 bit of competition."
   - Anonymous

"Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. So great is my veneration of the Bible that the earlier my children begin to read it, the more confident will be my hope that they will prove useful citizens of their country and respectful members of society."
   - John Adams

"Laws that forbid the carrying of arms disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes. Such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants; they serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man."
   - Thomas Jefferson

"Those who are willing to sacrifice liberty for security deserve neither!"
   - Benjamin Franklin

"Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters."
   - Benjamin Franklin

"Political correctness is tyranny; tyranny with manners."
   - Charlton Heston

"Windows has detected that you have moved your mouse. Please reboot this machine for changes to take effect. Restart now?"
   - Anonymous

"Some know me as...THE DARK GRAY TABLE CLOTH OF INIQUITY!!! It's really quite dark! The color, I mean. 'Dark Gray' is technically what it's called but it looks black. You wouldn't know the difference, probably."
   - Zorak

"Then I shall unleash a firestorm of humility the likes of which the universe has never seen."
   - Space Ghost

"Do customers ever change their requirements?" Ha, Ha, Ha! The only customers who don't change their requirements are dead customers."
   - C++ FAQ

"What if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today!"
   - Phil, Groundhog Day

"It is an old maxim of mine that when you have excluded the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
   - Sherlock Holmes

"Time is God's way of keeping things from happening all at once."
   - Anonymous

"Just because you go through a lot of hammers each month doesn't necessarily mean you're a hard worker. It may just mean you have a lot to learn about proper hammer maintainance. "
   - Jack Handey

"Those who don't understand UNIX are condemned to reinvent it, poorly."
   - Henry Spencer

"And I can't be holding on / To what you got / When all you got is hurt"
   - Bono, U2

"In A.D. 2101 War was beginning. What happen ? Somebody set up us the bomb. We get signal. What ! Main screen turn on. It's you !! How are you gentlemen !! All your base are belong to us. "
   - Zero Wing

"Guess what? I got a fever! And the only prescription is more cowbell."
   - Christopher Walken as Bruce Dickenson

"Who here knows illegal ninja moves from the government?"
   - Napoleon Dynamite

"Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter. "
   - Kip

"You know, like nunchuck skills, bowhunting skills, computer hacking skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. "
   - Napoleon Dynamite

"Last week, Japanese scientists explaced... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally. "
   - Napoleon Dynamite

"It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic. "
   - Napoleon Dynamite

"UNIX was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that would also stop you from doing clever things."
   - Doug Gwyn

"The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist."
   - anonymous

"A consultant is someone who comes in to solve a problem and stays around long enough to become part of it."
   - Anonymous

"Her heart is racing, you can't keep up / The night is bleeding like a cut / Between the horses of love and lust / We are trampled underfoot"
   - Bono, U2 - "So Cruel"

"Premature optimization is the root of all evil."
   - Donald Knuth

"The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development time. The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the development time."
   - Tom Cargill

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
   - Albert Einstein

"Most of you are familiar with the virtues of a programmer. There are three, of course: laziness, impatience, and hubris."
   - Larry Wall

"UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity."
   - Dennis Ritchie

"Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence."
   - Napoleon Bonaparte

"PHP is a minor evil perpetrated and created by incompetent amateurs, whereas Perl is a great and insidious evil, perpetrated by skilled but perverted professionals."
   - Jon Ribbens

"Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they have two problems."
   - Jamie Zawinski

"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
   - William Arthur Ward

"Back off man, I'm a scientist."
   - Dr. Peter Venkman

"At the Derek Zoolander Center For Children Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, we teach you that there's more to life than being really, really good looking. "
   - Zoolander

"Where the unattainable is unknown."
   - zombocom

"Oh my holy crap. Surveillance does. I hate those."
   - Brutus